Playing: Tomodachi Life
I've got an abundance of good news for ya'll this time.
Firstly, I've been away for the last 3 weeks because I am at my sister's house in Ohio currently!
Her wedding was just this past Saturday, and my parents and I have been "house-sitting" for her while she's been away in Jamaica for her honeymoon.
I was one of her bridesmaids, and had a blast this time (considering I cried a lot at my other sister's wedding), even though many things at her wedding didn't quite go... as planned.
Her DJ never showed up for rehearsal, so during the entire wedding, he kept interrupting them and asking questions, failed to actually interact with the crowd, and played all the wrong music that she didn't request.
Then, the woman who was making her cake royally screwed everything up about it. She was apparently still working on it the night prior to the wedding, and it looked really sloppy because she apparently couldn't figure out how to make a flower with icing / fondant right... then at the wedding itself, the cake tumbled over and had to be fixed into three separate cakes... which is where they found out that the cake was also the wrong flavor. She ordered a white cake, and got chocolate instead. ((Yes, she did get a full refund on the cake later))
Then when she was trying to catch her flight to Jamaica, she ended up missing it because the airport apparently changed flight times to leave 10 minutes early, and never notified her, so when she got to the airport, it was closed entirely. She had to wait for the next flight instead, which wasn't even a guarantee because other booked flights kept bumping her.
So... maybe it's best I didn't get emotional this time, cause I really don't think she needed that. heh
It's a good thing she tried her best to remain optimistic about it all though, and just ignore the mistakes.
My other sister is a hothead and was quick to remark that if that was her wedding, she'd probably be thrown in jail for starting a scene. I think I would've been angry, but not that angry... I just want my cake in once piece... in my mouth.
On another note....
I know after all that I shared within the last journal, some of you may scorn this one, and ultimately lose hope in me entirely, and I honestly couldn't blame you... but Im happy again, and it's because of my ex. Believe it or not, he actually did something right for once.
When I posted that last journal, it was a very desperate attempt to out him for the monster he could be sometimes, because I knew that making him face himself was his biggest weakness. But what I didn't share was that Im used to him doing all that to me. It was not the first time he's ever broken up with me over some dumb, petty thing, or acted brashly toward me for some unknown selfish reason. But we've been together for 3 years, and I should've known him well enough that he'd eventually fall to pieces without me and wind up apologizing again because of this stunning realization that he's nothing without me. I know his drug habits, his sexual appetite, all the things that make him tick... even all things he tried to keep secret from me. I just know him TOO WELL that I always saw through his bullshit. And he admitted to me that it terrified him that I was the only person who truly saw what he really was inside... and even more so when he realized that even though I saw the truth, I still loved him.
He tried to make me go away so that he wouldn't hurt me further.
We've been talking for the past 4 days in secret, but it's been some of the most amazing nights I've had in a while.
And I don't mean without him... I mean even taking our relationship into consideration, it feels different.
Like... both of us are finally calmed down enough that we're not jumping down each other's throats... and even though I said a few things to him at first that he might not've liked too much, he surprisingly didn't react horribly to it as I thought he would.
He told me he had been looking for a better job, going to a gym and getting in better health, he'd been taking anti-psychotics which had been preventing him from having meltdowns anymore, and lastly admitted that he chose to do all of these things because he still wanted to be with me and make things work out, but he knew that in the position he was (well, we were) in before, it just wouldn't work. We needed time to better ourselves before taking any other attempts to be together.
And he was right... because I didn't like the person I was starting to become either. My sister told me once, that being around him all the time was making me much more dark and sneaky, that I had never tried so many times before to kill myself, than when I was with him... but honestly, it wasn't all his fault. I was constantly stressed by his drama, whether I would fail college or not, whether I would have steady transportation or a place to stay or not, and then there was friend and family drama in between... financial struggles (all the times we fell behind on payments and had our house marked for foreclosure), and then as of late, the unfortunate passing of my beloved cat, Socks (it's been 4 months since the day, and it still bothers me greatly to know that he's not around anymore).
When we first spoke, I was skeptical and angry, and quick to mention that he was just a big narcissist, and... he didn't disagree with me. THAT was a big deal to me, because like any disorder, Im well aware that acknowledging there's something wrong, is the first step toward being able to heal... and he told me he already looked into it himself, and wanted to receive therapy for it. I couldn't lie... that I still loved him and cared about him and his wellbeing even despite all the nasty thoughts I had before... and when he told me he was going to finally get help, it made my eyes sparkle, I swear. Like I could not have been any happier for him than in that moment of hearing him finally admit that enough was enough, and he was ready to be stable...
Now I already know all the people who will be disappointed in me for even THINKING about him... which is why Im trying to keep it on the down-low for now... also, for the record, Im not dating him, atm. For now, we're just talking until we know for sure that we'll be stable enough. So yes... I am still very much single.
It's been nice to finally get full closure on this whole scenario at least... and maybe he can finally come give me rest of my stuff back.
So yeah... there's that.
I think Im gonna go about things A LOT differently this time.
I don't want to just have screaming matches anymore, when we could just be talking casually.
I don't want to throw fists anymore, when we could just sit and take our anger out on video games.
I don't want to cry over stupid stuff anymore, when there could be something meaningful behind it instead.
I just want us to get things right finally...
Im on new medications myself and receiving therapy, so I already feel like someone new!
For once, I think things are actually going well and Im crossing my fingers that they stay this way.
Hitting rock bottom doesn't always mean you stay there forever.... right??
I mean, I certainly hope not... I try to have a little optimism myself, too...
To be honest, I think the saddest thing that's happened this entire week, was my 3DS' battery fried.
And now I can't use my 3DS anymore because it likes to shut itself off and reset the date/time randomly.